Back to Sixth Grade
By: Ivan Adams
By: Ivan Adams
I don’t know what came over me that night. I was sitting there with my best friend, Joel. You must be asking where’s there. Sometimes I get ahead of myself, I’ll always come back to where I’m supposed to be though. Anyway there was a very popular hang out in all of our small town of Georgetown. The joint was called Freeloader. Sure, it had all the newest games out and was just the rave, but I’m not too much of a gamer.
Back to what I was saying about that day. (I warned you.) Sitting up at the soda table with Joel, I was writing in a new notebook I had just got for my seventeenth birthday. It was in that moment that a boy caught my attention. Oh no, not just any guy, but the cutest guy I had ever laid my eyes on, Zeek. My sleek enjoyment was put on pause when Joel slammed his cup down on the table.“Ian, you aren’t looking at Zeek again, are you?” Joel’s eyes were wild.
My whole body dropped, causing me to sink down low in my chair. As hard as it was to take my gaze off of Zeek, I knew I had to. But there was a distinct moment that Zeek’s beautiful blue eyes caught mine. A small smile formed on his face. Then he turned to his friends.
Joel hit my arm as hard as he could. “Bitch, that hurt!” I yelled.
I pushed my glasses back up where they belonged because they fell a little when I yelled.
“You have got to stop staring at that boy. If Ryan catches you looking at him, he’s going to beat the shit out of you.” Joel only spoke the truth. Ryan had already threatened me when I came out.
You see, Ryan was a typical straight jock. Being in my grade and every class I’ve ever been in, I learned how big of a jerk he really was. There was nothing nice about him whatsoever. And my infatuation was with his fourteen-year-old brother, who was nothing like Ryan, was an ongoing problem that year.
“Come on, Joel! Don’t you think the boy is absolutely beautiful?” My voice was dreamy.
“Um–he’s fourteen,” Joel said in a manner of disgust.
I buried my head in my hands. Then a thought came to me, “how do you know that he’s only fourteen?”
“Fuck, Ian. Maybe because you remind me every day!” Joel picked his cup up and took a sip of his drink.
(Oh yeah, Joel’s gay too. Oops . . . I didn’t even tell you that I’m gay! What a riot. We actually came out together. But we totally don’t even have feelings for one another. We’re best friends, duh! The fact that we’re both gay might be the reason we became so close.)
I rolled my eyes. “I’m getting another Pepsi.”
Walking through the stuffed room of people playing games, talking loudly, and slightly dancing to the overly loud music, was a challenge in itself. Luckily, I made it to the counter. Shit, there was the school slut, Phiona. When she opened her mouth, I wanted to put a gun in mine.
“Ian,” she screeched in the high pitch that only she could hit. She made me almost hate my name. Then she got supper slutty. “So,” she flicked her eyebrows, “what can I get you?”
“A Pepsi,” I said flatly.
After filling my cup up, she gave me the total. I was sure that she gave me a discount that she shouldn’t have. When was she going to wake up and realize that I’m gay and she can never ever have me? I shoved the correct amount in her hand and tried to get away as quickly as I could. But, sure enough, (and this upsets me to think about), I ran directly into Zeek, spilling a part of my Pepsi on his very expensive looking, Abercombie shirt. I thought I was going to die then and there. To my surprise, Zeek laughed it off. He grabbed up some napkins and whipped his shirt off.
“You’re Ian, right?” That voice was enough to make my hairs stand on end: sensual and calming. Swoon.
All I could manage was a slight nod.
He moved in close to my ear to be heard over the loud music. “My brother’s a prick. I hear him talk about you and your friend, Joel, all the time, calling you fags and such. I don’t know why he has to be so mean. I just want to say sorry for him.” His breath was blowing softly on my ear. I could feel a rise starting in my pants. Shit! I had to get out of there. Yet, I wanted to stay and talk to this boy all night. Urges started to come over me. I wanted to take the boy that instant and put him on the counter and fuck the hell out of him, by force if necessary.
I looked over Zeek’s shoulder. Double shit! Ryan was walking our way.
With a quick maneuver, I was back in my seat with Joel. I thought that I was off the hook, but sure enough Ryan was on his way over. He stealthfully took a seat across from me. “Hey fag, don’t ever go near my little brother again.” Then, he quickly wondered off.
Like expected, Joel started in on me. “You’re flirting with danger by flirting with that boy–”
I tuned him out. Rubbing my face, a realization hit me; I had just been thinking about raping someone. Yes, I like Zeek a lot. Oh, the Lord knows how much I lust for Zeek, but I totally wouldn’t want to hurt him. On the contrary, I just wanted to be passionate with him. It’s just, at times my hormones rage and I want to have sex badly. Okay, I may just look like I want to get laid, but the truth is, it’s really hard to be one of the only virgins in my whole class. Even Joel has had sex with some guy that he met last summer. I just felt so alone.
My attention came back to Joel just as he was saying, “please just leave him alone.”
This last statement pissed me off. “Fuck off,” I said with malice. Then, I left Freeloader as my anger rose.
When I got into my car, I slammed the door. Taking a breath, I started my car. My knuckles turned white from gripping the wheel so hard. So, I had to loosen my grip.
Before I knew it, I was in the next town. The town was a total shopping district. I found an empty parking lot and parked.
Walking down the sidewalk and looking into all the shops didn’t seem to be making me feel better. I couldn’t take my mind off how much a douche bag Joel was being. Don’t get me wrong, Joel’s my best friend, and I care about what he said, but he was totally wrong about judging my feelings. Something compelled me to Zeek. A deep affinity. He was just so—adorable. Maybe Joel thought that I just wanted him because I wanted to get under Ryan’s skin. On the contrary, I wish that Ryan wasn’t even his brother. Why was I even worrying about this? The truth of the matter was that Zeek was probably straight. And I would never get a chance with him even if he was gay.
Oh my, look at those shoes, I thought. Yes, I went into the shop to buy the shoes. Upon my significant find, I remembered what Zeek had said to me earlier. Maybe there was a slim chance that he could be gay. Or maybe he thought that Ryan just calling me a fag out of nowhere. How could I tell?
Luckily, buying the shoes brought my mood up loads. It was definitely the best thing for me to do. God, I just always feel so frustrated in life. I have no outlet whatsoever.
Parking in my lonely driveway, I went into a darkened house. I suppose I was out later than I expected to be out. There was a note on my door saying that Joel had called three times and that someone had came by the house to see me, but mom didn’t know who it was. That was just weird to me. I crumpled up the note because Joel’s name was on it. Maybe I was over reacting, but I didn’t really care.
Unbuttoning my shirt, I started getting ready for bed. I let my shirt fall to the floor and removed my pants after that. Being so late, I felt a little too tired to put on basketball shorts, so I just get into bed in my orange briefs.
Lying in my bed alone, I felt depleted. The air around me felt dank. Darkness fell all around me. I pulled the blankets up over me as much as I could. Feeling of shame came across me for being so self-absorbed in my desires for Zeek.
When my alarm clock went off the next morning, I was pissed. I grumbled a little, looking for my glasses. My body creaked as I stretched. The loud buzzing of the alarm clock was getting on my nerves though. Angrily, I pushed the off button. Of course, of all days, the water for my shower was cold. Then I nicked myself as I shaved. I knew at that point I was going to have a great day.
The day only improved as I got to school. (Oh, did I tell you that I’m slightly sarcastic too?) Right away, Bertha walked up to me. Her name’s actually Jillian, but she’s a fat bitch that puts her nose in everyone’s business just because she’s the top of the academics in our school. All hail the Queen of Brown-nosing.
She ran me right into my locker, nearly knocking the glasses off my face. “Where were you last night? I came to your house to go over our plans on our project.” She was horridly historical.
Oops, I thought. My eyes darted to the floor. I’m not exactly sure why. I suppose that I was looking for a doughnut to shove down her throat. Maybe the lard ass would get off my case without being quite so rude then. “Shit. I totally forgot about that.” I ran my hand though my hair rashly, to make it look like I actually cared.
She started poking her porky finger into my skinny body. “We’ll have to make it tonight then. This time, to make sure you will be there, you are going to be coming over to my house.”
That was just what I needed. Something else to make my life more miserable.
“I don’t even care that it’s a Friday. You will be helping in this project. Besides, it would be known if I did it all myself. Though, it would be perfect then.” She abruptly turned around and marched down the hall. Watching her ass flab up all around made my whole face scrunch up as if I had just eaten a limon.
Then, the second attack happened. Joel came merrily strolling over to me. His pretend-nothing-happened-the-night-before-approach was not going to work this time. I was so ticked off at him that there was no way he was getting off easily.
“Joel, I don’t have time for this right now.” Pushing past him, I walked as quickly down the hall as I could.
Now, walking down the hallway was always a problem for me. People always threw their shoulders into my chest calling me fag and queer. Um, I should say the jock guys, especially Ryan. Jerks! Whatever, I was so pissed, I didn’t even really notice. It’s very likely I pushed back from my foul mood.
Most of that day was a blur to me. Luckily Joel and I didn’t have any classes together. At one point, though, the whole day came into perspective. I opened my locker and there was a note in it. In all my years in school, I’ve never received a note in my locker. My heart leapt as I picked it up and started to unfold it. Naturally, Zeek was the first person to pop up in my mind. No, it was from Joel. Great!
Ian,
Please don’t ignore me. I’m sorry about the things I said. I should give you more respect for having a crush and sticking to it. I just assume that you want to have sex with him and then be done with him. I see now that that isn’t the case. I’ve never seen you so mad at me. Please forgive me. I’m just worried about you falling for a 14 year old when you’re 17. Ian, I just don’t want to see you hurt. I love you, my best friend. Friends?
Joel
I felt like such and an idiot. Duh, Zeek didn’t even go to the same school I go to. He’s not a freshman yet. In that very moment, I realized my whole world was starting to crash down. Somehow, I had become completely obsessed over a boy that I hardly knew. Not to mention that I was mad at my best friend for seemingly not caring about my feelings. Most of all, his brother would kill me if he even knew. So, I knew that I had to do the hardest thing ever and just get over Zeek.
I needed a release. Something compelled me to get back into my locker, pull out my scissors, and shove them in my pocket. Luckily the first bathroom that I checked out was empty. Just in case anyone were to walk in, I went inside a stall. With the scissors in my hand, I was about an inch from my flesh with the sharp end. I couldn’t do it. I was just too scared to hurt myself. Damn.
Later on that day I made up with Joel. Being mad at Joel was like being mad at a puppy. At first it’s easy to be mad at a puppy when it does something wrong, but then they give you those cute little puppy eyes and is too cute to stay mad at. And (I roll my eyes even now saying this) Joel was too cute to be mad at. Um, in a friend way. If you don’t know that I’m totally stuck on Zeek by now, then you need to just quit reading. Not just this. Anything. Plot doesn’t become you very well.
Anyway...
You know that feeling you have right before you’re going to throw-up? Yeah, I was having that as I walked up to Jillian’s house. A part of me was still worried about if Joel had been serious about his apology. All of me hoped he was. Only a part of me knew that he was.
Being at Jillian’s house was the worst thing for me at that particular time. I couldn’t really concentrate on the project. Zeek and Joel were revolving in my head. Well, that and the fact that Jillian’s house smelled horrible! Not to mention that even Jillian had had sex. Who the hell would want to fuck that lard ass? Oh yeah, the chess captain, Knight Pimple. (Technically his name was Wade, but nobody really knew that.)
Jillian and I had spent a lot of time just to finish up the project that night. No one must have told her that I’m gay because she hit on me too much. Naturally, not many people talked to her anyway. Maybe the memo didn’t go to the nerd table.
Joel called me shortly after I woke up at ten on Saturday morning. He was wanting me to go to Freeloader with him that night. At first, I was skeptical to even go. Where was I to believe that it would be any different from two nights before?
For some reason, I ended up going. Joel and I sat at our normal table. Things were still somewhat awkward between Joel and myself. Joel took the liberty of getting drinks for the two of us. Having a moment to myself. I reached down for my backpack to get out my notebook to start writing a bit. About that time, Zeek walked in the door. My heart nearly failed. Well, it at least missed a few beats. For a split second I thought that Zeek was actually walking my way, but then seemed to turn at the last second. My heart sank and I started breathing again.
Joel was back with the drinks. “Lover boy’s here.” He sat down, nodding his head toward Zeek. As if I hadn’t seen him. What was Joel thinking, honestly?“Shut up.” I whispered snidely.
“Sorry?” There was an uncertainty to Joel. He quickly tried to change the subject. “How was Bertha last night?”
“Oh God, Joel. It smelled like someone had just died in her house.” I scrunched up my nose.
Joel laughed.
“It’s not funny.” A smile slowly formed on my face.
“Finally!”
“What?”
“You’re looking happy again. All the hostility was killing me!” Joel crossed his arm in his fake pout.
Quickly looking over what I had just written, I started to write again. After writing a page, Joel started squirming. I looked up at him. He was looking at the door. So, I looked too. His ex boyfriend had just walked into the room and he was walking our way. Naturally, Joel was pulled away from the table. The fag gave me an I-just-took-your-man-away-from-you look. (So, I know fag is totally offensive, but when a guy prances around and acts like he’s the best thing in the world, yeah.) Poor Joel looked as if he were being taken off to prison.
I immersed myself back into my writing. When I write, I focus so intently on what I’m doing that the world around me just kind of disappears. So, it wasn’t a surprise when I got shaken from what I was doing when a timid voice piped up. “What are you writing there?”
Before looking up I know the voice. Terror stuck me when I saw who it was. Zeek was standing right next to me. My heart was trying to pound right though my chest. I geekily smiled at him. “Nothing.” The truth was, he made me feel like a sixth-grader again, as my first real guy crush.
Then, he invited himself to sit down. “Come on, it can’t be nothing.” He tried to read it, but I shut it.
“Why are you sitting with me?” It came out of my mouth much worse than I meant for it to.
His shoulders dropped. “My friends aren’t here yet, and you kind of ran off in the middle of our conversation the other day.”
I looked down. “Yeah, your brother promised that he’ll beat me up if I talk to you.”
“What?!?” He put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up, into his eyes. “I’m my own person. I’ll have a talk to him later. He seems to think that if I were to talk to a gay person, they would make me gay. But trust me, talking to you isn’t going to make me gay.”
That was it, my heart flopped. The boy I wanted more than anything else was straight. A defeated look must of came across my face because he asked, “are you okay?”
I clinched my eyes shut, then opened them. “Uh . . . yeah. I just had a big thing of pizza and a large Pepsi. I feel like a total heifer.” My face went completely flush. Did I just say that? That made me start beating myself up on the inside. Stupid!
Zeek laughed. “That was last night for me. I just kept eating. But with track practice all the time, I get so hungry.”
The boy of my dreams had just saved me from my own humiliation. A half-smile came to my face. “Track, huh?” Yes, a distracting topic!
His eyes darted to the door. A group of his friends walked though the door. “Oh shoot. I’ve got to go.” With that he was gone.
I watched him walk away. Before he was completely out of my life again, he glanced back at me and smiled brightly. Then he didn’t look or talk to me for the rest of the time I was there.
Joel came back soon after. “What was that?” Excitement filled his eyes.
“I’m not sure, but I’m sure he’s straight now.”
“Hum...”
“It’s like he tries to torture me. What is he getting at?”
Joel just shrugged.
“Shit! What was the talk with your ex all about?” I had almost forgotten.
Joel just rolled his eyes. “I’ll tell you later. I’m not sure yet.”
I didn’t want to let it go, but I knew there was no point in trying to get anything out of him. Once Joel has his mind made up, there’s nothing anyone could do about it.
Neither of us said another word of it the rest of the night.
Two weeks went by me. Two weeks of nothingness. Two weeks of feeling like I was being punished. Punished for something I didn’t even do. Unless liking someone was a crime these days.
I had heard nothing from Zeek since that Saturday at Freeloader. I was beginning to feel like I was never going to hear from him again. Who was I fooling? Every ounce of me knew that Zeek was straight, but I wasn’t willing to accept that. He was truly someone that I admired and I didn’t want to give him up that easily. At least not yet. I was holding onto a glimmer that he might, just might, be gay. Something told me not to discredit my feelings for him just yet.
Every fiber in my body made me attracted to this boy. No explanation. Fuck. He’s straight. I might as well have just slit my wrists that very second. I so wasn’t that desperate!
Why was I the only person to feel punished for nothing? So what if he’s fourteen! Age is only a number, but sexuality is a thing in life that I can’t change and have no power over. I wanted to give up. Instead, I went on a walk to clear my head.
Aa I went on my walk, anger swelled up inside me. That very moment, the way I was feeling and hardly paying attention to where I was going, I ran into him. The paper boy. I was so angry that I hadn’t even notice him. Then, he handed me a paper. If I had to guess, I think he thought I lived at the house I was in front of. Still, I was drawn to open it up. On the front page was Zeek with his track team. He had been practicing and at meets all this time. How stupid of me to forget that. I should go to one of his meets.
That night I went to Freeloader alone and Zeek finally made an appearance. Personally, I wasn’t expecting to see him. The desire to write came over me and my muse seemed to inspire me more there. That’s the reason why I decided to even go. Anyway, Zeek looked extremely out of it. He just sat down at a table by himself and laid his head down. As I observed him, I started to realize something was wrong. His back was moving up and down in a manner that alluded to one thing; he was crying. I had to do something. If any of his teammates or friends were to have come in when he was in this state, he would have been ridiculed for sure.
Cautiously, I walked up to his table. Laying a hand on his shoulder, I asked, “is everything okay?”
Zeek’s head bounced up savagely. “What do you want? I said leave me . . . ” His puffy eyes looked up into mine. His cheeks were stained with tears. He went sheepish. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know—”
“Come on, lets get out of here. You look like you need to talk to someone in a less chaotic environment. I have good listening ears.” I was cautious about what I was saying to not look like I was hitting on him, but truly trying to help.
The air outside was humid, like after a spring shower. Zeek and I walked down the road a long time before we stopped in a very quiet place to talk. When we finally stopped, we sat down in the grass cross-legged, facing each other. Laying my notebook beside me, I watched and waited patiently as Zeek picked at the grass.
“Ian.” He looked up at me, but fell silent again.
After some quick thinking, I said, “it’s okay. I’m here for you.”
The turmoil that he was in made him even more cute. Then, he started squirming. “Okay,” he sighed. “It’s like this. I’m so stressed out. My English class is killing me. And track is like taking over my life.” He ran his fingers though his hair, roughly. “Everyone is expecting something big from me. It’s just too much.” He huffed, then looked at me.
“Would you like some help in English? I love English.” Oh God, I sounded too eager.
“You do write a lot. Would you—” he mumbled. “Would you help me?”
“Yeah, of course.” There I went again, damn, but wait, he was smiling.
“Cool!” He said excitedly. Then, his smile started to fade.
“Is there something else?”
“Um, yes. There’s this.” Scratching his head, he paused. It was no ordinary pause, but a much-too-long one. “There’s this girl. I really like her, but she’s a little older than I am and I’m not sure that she’d like me.”
My heart sank. I wanted to start crying then and there, but I had to stay strong for Zeek’s sake. “How old is she?” Sounded like a reasonable question.
“Seventeen, I think.”
Now I was intrigued. “Who is she?” What the heck, I may know her. She could even be in my class.
Zeek blushed. Unable to do anything else, I gasped for air. This was the first time I had witnessed the boy of my affection in a vulnerable state. “Um. Can I tell you later?” He squinted.
Those words caught me off guard, but I still said, “yeah, sure.”
“I’m turning fifteen in a month, do you think it would be possible?” His innocent eyes were focused on my lips, yearning for the next words I was about to say.
“Age is only a number,” I shrugged.
A smile quickly appeared on his face. “Ian, you’re a good friend.” For a brief second, he paused. “Can I get your number?”
Was he coming on to me? I looked at him in a daze.
“For English tutoring? If you’re still willing, that is.” He looked away, as if saddened by something deep-rooted.
“Oh, yeah.” Picking up my notebook, I ripped off a little piece of paper from the last page and wrote my number on it.
“Thanks.” He smiled brightly.
At last, we decided to go back to Freeloader so we both could get home.
Later that night, I called Joel from home. There was a certain amount of relief in Joel’s voice when I told him that Zeek liked an older girl. Yet, he was supportive about me helping Zeek with his English problems.
Then Joel told me that he was getting back with his skeezy ex. I was tempted to tell Joel how bad Tom was for him, but I knew that I would sound just like him about me and Zeek. I was a bit heartbroken about finding out about his crush anyway. A true friend is someone that is supportive no matter what.
A part of me felt completely lost and hopeless as I went to bed that night. Something needed to happen soon. I needed to get Zeek off my fucking mind. Everywhere I turned, he was there. Even my main character in the newest story I was writing was becoming more and more like Zeek every day. Could I be this desperately stuck on a human being? Though, it would make sense if Zeek would become someone that I was actually in love with.
Being drained, I laid down on my bed and instantly fell asleep. Something that didn’t normally happen.
Not too long after the next day started, I had a feeling I might be able to get Zeek out of my head. With much enthusiasm, Joel told me that he and his boyfriend, Tom, had a perfect guy for me, Cody. They entertained the idea of the four of us going out to dinner, on a sort of double date. The only reason I agreed was because my obsession over Zeek was no longer healthy for me. (Why the fuck couldn’t I just have what I wanted?!?!)
So, I went out that night with Cody, Joel, and Tom. The thought of Tom made me sick because he cheated on Joel the last time they were together. To bad I knew he would do it again. However, I was supportive.
Anyway, there’s the matter of Cody. He was . . . cute, but he didn’t have what Zeek had. He was slightly shorter than I, his eyes were a dull brown, and his hair was a wavy, dirty blond. Nothing about him compared to Zeek though. Don’t get me wrong, Cody would have been a total catch for me, but he didn’t have that spark to him that Zeek had. Like when Zeek walks in the room, he exudes radiance. His blue eyes sparkled like the ocean water in Florida when the sun shines at that perfect angle. Then, there’s his beautiful brown, spiked hair that looks like there’s never a hair in the wrong place. The clothes that he wears match to the last detail, even the earring he wears in the upper part of his left ear matches the color of his shirt. (Even his gum is the same color.) And most of all, I knew that he had to have a body that he’s been working on between swimming and track. Rumor had it that his family had a tanning bed. And yes, he was very tan.
I found myself getting a boner as I thought of him. Oops, I realized I hadn’t been paying attention to anything anyone had been saying, but it didn’t look like Cody had said anything yet.
As the night progressed, I realized that Cody was a huge nerd. We really hit it off when we started talking
about English books written in the Victorian age. But even more-so when we were talking about Shakespeare.The four of us were having a great time, but we were done eating and didn’t want to just sit there. The waitress was starting to look a little impatient with us. So, we all decided to go to Freeloader to just talk some more.
Walking into Freeloader, I was laughing at a Shakespeare joke that Cody had just told me, when everything collapsed on me. I hadn’t been expecting it, but Zeek was there. Everything was awkward at first. Joel gave me a stern look and whispered, “please don’t screw things up with Cody, because you know you can’t have him.”
Right after he said that, I felt really hurt, but upon reflection, I knew that he was right. I didn’t have a shot with Zeek. I tried to ignore the fact that he was there. But I noticed him go up to the counter and get a drink. He seemed to be making some small talk with Phiona. She actually looked like she was enjoying him. Suddenly, she gave him a quizzical look. Then, Zeek turned around to look at me. I looked away, but still had my eyes on him to where he didn’t know I was looking at him. Forcefully, he gave money to Phiona, took his drink, and headed for the door. Throwing his drink in the trash by the exit, he stormed out of Freeloader. Something squeezed on my hand. I hadn’t even realized that Cody was, in a way, holding onto my hand. Of course, I had felt something on my hand, but didn’t care to look. Feeling awkward, I got up and gave Cody a snide look. Not being able to hold myself back, I went after Zeek.
The outside was dark. If it weren’t for hearing Zeek soft sobs, I wouldn’t have been able to find him. When I got close, I sat down next to him.
“What do you want?” He asked viciously.
I nearly fell backward. “What’s going on?”
“Sorry. So, who’s that guy?”
“His name’s Cody. Some guy Joel was trying to hook me up with, but he’s not my type. Wait! You’re trying to get me off topic, what’s wrong?” I asked with concern.
“Oh, I think I got denied.”
“Phiona?” I asked in shock.
He didn’t say anything, but I thought I saw a brief nod.
“You’re lucky then. Rumor has it that she masturbates in the tanning bed at the new tanning place. She probably has an arm tan-line on her belly to prove it.”
Zeek let out a big laugh. He looked down at the ground, then back at me. “Ian?”
I looked into his eyes. He had something on the tip of his tongue. Our eyes were connected in a moment of pure beauty. For a second I thought he was about to lean in and kiss me. Of course, I’m sure it was my imagination running away with me. My deepest desire was to share that kiss.
“Um . . . do you think . . . ” He just stopped talking altogether.
After waiting for an answer and being denied, I spoke instead. “Go ahead, Zeek. Ask what you need?”
He bit his lip. “Do you think I’m old enough to know what I want?”
I looked at him sternly. “I knew what I wanted when I was your age. I’m not for sure that I knew it was a guy that I wanted, but I knew I wanted love, I guess.” I blushed and looked down at the ground.
Zeek put his hand on my shoulder. He smiled shyly. “Thank you for being a good friend to me. I’m sure you don’t want to listen to the woes of a fourteen-year-old.”
“No, it’s totally fine.” I looked deeply into his eyes. I put my arm on his knee to balance myself out.
He bashfully smiled at me. Then added, “and yes, I do want love.”
“Well, I highly doubt that Phiona would have been able to give you that anyway.” I let my arm drop down.
Zeek followed suit. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have ever been able to love her. I think I’m going to make sure someone likes me before pursuing a relationship.”
“At least you learned something from all this. I just hope that I can help you though whatever happens.”
Squinting his eyes at me, he said, “I sure hope you will. I’m going to have a talk with my brother tonight and tell him to lay off of you.”
A huff came out of my mouth. “Thanks.” I blinked.
“Um . . . I’m going to go back in. Are you?”
I thought for a second. My “date” was still in there, but I didn’t care. “No.”
As he got up, he dusted his butt off. (Very cute butt, by the way.) He started to walk away, but turned back around. “Come to my meet tomorrow. Please?”
Without thought, I said, “okay.”
Before he went back in, he turned around. He smiled and waved, then went back into Freeloader.
Like I had promised, I went to Zeek’s track meet. There were a lot of moms in the crowd, which made me feel extremely out of place. All that changed when Zeek looked over into the stands. He smiled brightly at me, then went back to stretching. His track uniform was so cute, showing all of his muscles. He had great biceps. Then there were his leg muscles. Yum! As soon as I stopped staring at his rippling muscles, he stretched over, giving me a perfect view of his great bubble butt. Was he playing with me, or did he even realize what he was doing?
The meet was kind of slow, but Zeek won every one of his events; high jump, 100 meter, 200 meter, and the four by four 400 meter. He was simply amazing out there on the track. Speed embodied him. And everytime he won, he looked directly at me. Then, he looked at one of the girls on the team. I guessed that he was telling me that he liked her.
At one point Zeek was very sweaty and wiped some off his forehead with his jersey. This act exposed his abs, which were great and may have made me slightly hard. Fuck, moms all over the place. My eyes savagely roamed the stands.Actually, I was stunned that someone of Zeek’s age was so buff. It must have been the fact that his brother was such a jock. Ryan probably needed someone to spot him. Those two brothers were so different. One was sweet while the other was a jerk. Not to mention that one actually tried to be my friend. And so on.
Shortly after the meet was over, Zeek walked up to me and told me that he talked to his parents and Ryan shouldn’t be bothering me any longer. I thanked him and told him that he did a fabulous job. The girl he had been looking at throughout the meet, walked up to him. As they walked away, she turned back and looked at me, then started giggling. Then, Zeek started awkwardly laughing. My heart was racing and my anger was rising. But that wasn’t the worst. Right before going into the locker room, Zeek kissed the girl on the cheek. I felt like someone stabbed a dagger right though my heart. I couldn’t take it, so, I just left.
Another full week went by and I, once again, didn’t see Zeek. But this time, I didn’t care. How could I have been so stupid to believe that he was gay? This whole time, I just knew he was straight. I was a little concerned about the fact that he needed help in English though. If nothing else, at least Ryan was leaving me alone.
The hurt inside of me seemed like it was going to be everlasting. I tried to break myself away from Joel. But like a good friend, he stood by my side. Finally, Joel understood my feelings for Zeek, but I was determined to get over him, and quick.
The image of the kiss that Zeek planted on that girl made me sick to my stomach. Sure, I totally envied her. But honestly, that so should have been me. My desires to be with him made it completely worse. Frustration had taken over my soul. I was beginning to hate everything. I was contemplating going out with Cody, when something amazing happened. A letter was sent to my house without a return address. Even though there were questions running though my mind, I opened the letter. It read as thus,
Ian,
I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out. Whats your problem?! So, I have to do what I have to do. Meet me on top of the hill Friday night at 9:00. I believe its time for us. I’ll be waiting for you. I really hope that your their.
There wasn’t much to the letter. Technically this could have been anyone. Honestly, I wanted it to be Zeek, but I wasn’t sure that it was him. But the grammatical errors did make me thing of Zeek’s problems in English. Shit, I was thinking about Zeek again. My rational side told me to just call Cody, apologize, and go out with him that night. Then there was my romantic side that desired more than anything for it to be Zeek. Yet, that wasn’t a sure thing either. Though, logically, if Zeek didn’t want to just come out to me, he could easily do it this way. My mind, then, moved once again onto the girl he kissed. It could have been a friend kiss or it could have been more. These are the things that make me insane at night. I had no choice, but to get someone else’s opinion. So, I called Joel.
Naturally, Joel tried to talk me out of going. But I was convinced that the letter was from Zeek. There wasn’t a chance that I was going to pass this up.
Later that night, I found myself waiting on this “mystery man,” hoping that he would be Zeek.
When the guy came walking up to me, I realized how close I was. Ryan, Zeek’s brother, walked up to me. Shit, what was he doing?
“Oh Ian, this was all too easy.” Ryan smirked. He swayed closer to me.
“You set me up. What do you want?” I was shaking in fear.
“I want you to stay away from my brother.” He punched me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. “And I want you out of my life.” Ryan left hooked me in the jaw, knocking me to my knees. Then, I heard him run away. At this point, I was crying. All I could hear was a car pull up. Then I looked up, but I saw Ryan running up to me with a bat in hand. There wasn’t even a chance of seeing whose car it was.
Then I heard the words, “stop, Ryan!” It was Zeek yelling. Everything boggled my mind. Wait, he couldn’t drive. Ryan ran off again. Finally, I heard his truck pulling away.
“Are you okay?” Joel’s arms were around me, holding me tight.
“No. Why’s Zeek here?” I could finally see what was going on around me.
“I told him everything. I got worried about you.”
“So was I.” Zeek said.
Then it happened. I looked up into Zeek’s beautiful eyes. He sat down next to me. And I threw up right next to him. So romantic, huh? Call me the modern day Lance-a-slosh.
Joel finally let go of me. Then, Zeek was rubbing my back. God, I felt like an idiot. I needed to find an exit quickly.
“So, you like me?” Zeek smiled awkwardly at me.
“Great, Zeek. Make fun of me while I’m down.” I got up and ran to my car.
From behind me, I heard, “I’m not . . . ”
Slamming my door, I started my car, and drove off, angrily. A powerful pain was in my stomach. My jaw hardly hurt, but I could taste the blood.
When I got home, no one was there. I looked in the mirror. Hell, I looked like shit. So, I took a shower, with the hope of getting cleaned up.
After my shower, I went to my bedroom to rest. Twenty minutes later someone was ringing the doorbell. Nervously, I walked to the door and peered out the peep hole. It was Joel. So, I opened the door, a bit disoriented from the short nap I had apparently taken.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I shrugged.
“Well, someone that thinks you’re a very special guy and likes you wanted to see you.”
“Joel, I’ve just had the worst day of my life. Don’t fuck with me.” I crossed my arms in anger and pouted.
“I’m not.” He looked into my eyes, seriously.
I scratched my head. Who was Joel talking about? Cody! Why was Joel trying to push me into a relationship with Cody?
“He’s out here waiting for you. Come on!” Joel nodded his head to follow.
I walked out with Joel. Standing against his car was my one dream. Zeek.
Certain of himself, Zeek casually strolled over to me.
“It’s you?” I breathed.
“It has always been me.” Zeek smiled, gazing into my eyes. “When I asked you about the age difference, it was never Phiona. I was talking about you. When I saw you with someone else I got mad. Then, at my track meet, I told Karin about you. She was so excited, but I know that you thought that I was with her. I never intended for you to think that. Hell, I didn’t think you would even see us.”
Unsure of what came over me, I hugged Zeek. And he actually hugged me right back. “Do you want to be . . . ” He hesitated, “my boyfriend?”
Pulling away, I looked into his eyes. Then, I kissed him and pulled away again. “Yes!”
“You know, you actually have to help me with my English now, right?” Zeek gave me a geeky smile.
I laughed back at him. “And you’ll be right over my shoulder the whole time.”
He nodded and we kissed again. His lips were so soft. I could have kissed them all night, but I was tired.
I commend Joel for not making vomit noises as I finally got my wish.
END!
Okay. If you want to know all the gooshy stuff, then you can read this little bit about how well my dreams came true. But Joel says it induces illness, so beware.
Within the first week of us dating I found out that Zeek had already come out to his parents and a few select friends. I understood why Ryan hated me being around him. His parents sent him off to boot camp so he could get over this.
Zeek and I spent a lot of time together. His parents really liked me. And after three years, we are still together.
